Equanimity

Equanimity is the practice of being open to all experiences as they are without being reactive.

If your mind becomes firm like a rock
and no longer shakes
In a world where everything is shaking
Your mind will be your greatest friend
and suffering will not come your way.

Buddhist poem from the Therigatha

Without equanimity we might demand that life events happen in the ways that we think they should, rather than staying connected and loving with things as they are. Equanimity helps us to be compassionate while having the courage to face the pain in life and to face the cruelty in the world. When we care deeply, we try to help, but we can't always alleviate pain. Sometimes what we do doesn't actually help. Suffering is not necessarily failure. There is a measure of cosmic pain in the world and we each carry some of it and it helps if we can do so lovingly.  With equanimity, suffering is transformed into deep wisdom. 

 The definition of equanimity is: not to distinguish between friend, enemy or stranger, but regard every sentient being as equal. It is a clear-minded tranquil state of mind - not being overpowered by delusions, mental dullness or agitation. Equanimity is the basis for unconditional, altruistic love, compassion and joy for other's happiness and Bodhicitta. When we discriminate between friends and enemies, how can we ever want to help all sentient beings? Equanimity is an unselfish, de-tached state of mind which also prevents one from doing negative actions.

The near enemy is indifference. It is tempting to think that just 'not caring' is equanimity, but that is just a form of egotism.  A result which one needs to avoid is apathy as a result of 'not caring'.

The opposite is anxiety, worry, stress and paranoia caused by dividing people into 'good' and 'bad'; one can worry forever if a good friend may not be a bad person after all, and thus spoiling trust and friendship.

"If one tries to befriend an enemy for a moment, he becomes your friend.
The same thing occurs when one treats a friend as an enemy.
Therefore, by understanding the impermanence of temporal relations,

wise ones are never attached to food, clothing or reputation, nor to friends or enemies.

The father becomes the son in another life,

Mother becomes the wife,

Enemy becomes friend;

It always changes.

Therefore there is nothing definite in samsara."

The Buddha

"The foundation for practicing the seven-point cause and effect method is cultivating a mind of equanimity. Without this foundation you will not be able to have an impartial altruistic view, because without equanimity you will always have partiality towards your relatives and friends. Realize that you should not have prejudice, hatred, or desire towards enemies, friends, or neutral persons, thus lay a very firm foundation of equanimity." His Holiness the Dalai Lama, from 'Path to Bliss: A Practical Guide to Stages of Meditation'

It is said that the awareness of a Buddha is completely even, like the ocean, taking in equally the joys and sorrows of all people, friends, loved ones, relatives, and those never met. This is the meaning of a statement made by so many of the world's great spiritual teachers, "Love your enemy." It doesn't mean love the person you hate. You can't do that. Love those who hate you. From 'Buddhism with an Attitude: The Tibetan Seven-Point Mind-Training'